By Rev. David L. Shows

(Revised Edition 3-4-21)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

A wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless (Proverbs 14:16

A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated (Proverbs 14:17).

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).

It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel (Proverbs 20:3).

You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, “Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.” But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother(or spouse)will be subject to judgment … first go and be reconciled to your brother (or spouse); then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:21-24).

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions (Galatians 5:19-20).

But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Colossians 3:8).

And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful (2 Timothy 2:24).

The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.  The king’s wrath is as the roaring of a lion; but his favor is as dew upon the grass (Proverbs 19:11-12).

Who among you is wise and understanding?  Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.  But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth…For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing (James 3:13-14, 16).  

Anger is defined in Merriam-Webster dictionary as “a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism”.  Synonyms would be: enrage, incense, inflame, infuriate, ire, mad, madden, outrage, rankle, rile, steam up, tick off”.  

I have often received questions from those dealing with anger problems that may have already gotten them in trouble or else they finally realize it is an issue of which they must be able to control before it destroys them or someone they love.  Especially in our modern-day society where angry responses almost seem normal and where respect or civility seems to have been forgotten on the altar of personal vindication or supposedly justifiable revenge.  Too many times, our first response is “attack”, we must immediately “right this wrong” that has upset us and this causes issues that often cannot be corrected because words are often spoken that cannot be taken back.  It has apparently become more and more difficult to receive constructive criticism, a mild godly rebuke, a difference of opinion or even having our “feelings” hurt unintentionally, without flying into a tantrum that becomes almost uncontrollable.  When one quickly becomes angry, they can often lose jobs, friends, children, wife, husband, health and their testimony – it can cause irreparable damage in a person’s personal life and those he/she may be the closest to, as well as harming the reputation of God if the angry person professes to be a Christian.  In writing this brief response, it is not organized in a grammatically correct manner, rather these are thoughts that I wrote down often as they would come to my mind.  I hope they make a semblance of sense by the time you have finished reading; but I do believe, one can glean enough information so with a little thought and a desire to resolve the issue and God’s help, one can overcome the sin of uncontrolled anger in their lives.  

1. The Controlling Aspect of Anger
   1. John Hunter said, “My life is at the mercy of any rascal who can make me angry.”  Not only the heart but also other organs of the body are affected when anger occurs.  It releases a powerful drug-controlled adrenalin into the bloodstream, causing blood pressure to rise, the heart to beat faster, the eyes to dilate.  Hands become sweaty, the mouth becomes dry, and the muscles become tense as fight or flight hormones are released into the body.  The person was right who said, “Every time we get ANGRY, we drive a nail into our own coffin.”  We will briefly mention a “righteous”, or perhaps a justified anger later on but this is not what we are primarily speaking about in this little paper.  Let me just simply say at the beginning, most anger is not a “righteous” anger.  Like so many other sins of society, we like to put a fancy label on them and give them a psychological or scientific name so we do not feel guilty about our actions.  This has been called “Intermittent Explosive Disorder” (IED) defined as “SUDDEN EPISODES OF IMPULSIVE, AGGRESSIVE, VIOLENT BEHAVIOR OR ANGRY VERBAL OUTBURSTS IN WHICH YOU REACT GROSSLY OUT OF PROPORTION TO THE SITUATION.  ROAD RAGE, DOMESTIC ABUSE, THROWING OR BREAKING OBJECTS, OR OTHER TEMPER TANTRUMS MAY BE SIGNS OF IED” and we are told to go to the doctor for help.  Let’s face the facts, as a Christian, it is sin and must be dealt with along these lines.  
   2. I do believe this uncontrollable anger can and must be controlled, converted or redirected into a more productive state, and can be with God’s help.  Sadly, we too often are controlled by anger, often lashing out or sometimes displaying a moody silence as the anger seethes inside. 
   3. Repressed anger is still anger if we allow it to control us.  Some may justifiably say “easier said than done”, but we must learn when anger is cropping up within us, we should immediately recognize the symptoms and the need to get our minds off the negative that is causing the issue and begin to focus on something positive. The aim is to “cool-off”, think about what to do next, so as to inhibit or calm the anger and convert it into more constructive behavior or get rid of it altogether, not just to “bottle it up” where it could explode later.  Just “repressing” the anger for a time being is like lighting a wastebasket, putting it in a closet, and closing the door.  It may burn itself out or it may burn the house down, so to be safe we need to “put out the fire”.  After that “cooling-off” period, then we should be able to rationally consider the issue and make an appropriate response.  Sometimes we must learn to back away from what is causing the anger to foment and think rationally and calmly before reacting.  The danger of not doing so can result in our own hurt as well as others—for if this is not heeded, it can turn inward and cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.  Pure logic dictates this is true.  Before allowing anger to take control of our body and mind and totally lose control of our rational thinking, why not just walk away from the situation temporarily if we can and cool down; recognize what is happening and think about our intended reaction and what it will cause; figure out why this made us so angry and once that has been ascertained, then figure out how to handle in a rational and Christian manner.  A quick angry response is almost always a recipe for disaster.  
   4. Uncontrolled anger can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting the problem head-on and finding a solution) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively control their anger. Not surprisingly, such individuals aren’t likely to have many successful relationships, in marriage, family relationships or even in friends.  They have not matured yet.  
   5. Uncontrolled anger has led or been linked to headaches (even migraine), digestion problems such as abdominal pain, drug and alcohol addition, insomnia, increased anxiety, depression, lower-quality relationships, suppressed immune system, high blood pressure, skin problems such as eczema, heart attack and stroke.  It can literally alter the body chemistry.  I am not saying all of these conditions are caused by uncontrolled anger but it could be a contributing factor.  Anger causes an adrenaline rush which is part of the fight-or-flight response, in which our body gears up to either stand and fight (anger) or flee (fear).  We will notice an increase in heart rate and in breathing as it becomes shallow, we may feel flushed and our muscles tense up as we start to feel shaky.  Our thoughts tend to become judgmental and our mind will take us back to other times we have felt this angry and will dredge up “toxic” memories that will increase the emotion we are experiencing.  Eventually we may develop the urge to yell or scream, throw something or hit someone, or to lash out verbally in some hurtful manner. 
2. Anger Problems 
   1. This may become a major problem for a Christian, for when that anger subsides, we realize we made the wrong response and that response cannot be taken back nor corrected for it has already happened and is now in the unchangeable past.  We can ask God for forgiveness but sometimes we have already caused much harm to others and this may not be as easy to “turn back”, if it can be done at all.   Sometimes those few moments of “control lost” will haunt us for the rest of our lives if we react in the wrong manner.  
   2. We often hear of “anger management” but this may leave us with the idea that we can never get over anger problems but must learn how to “deal” with the continuing issue and just manage it.  However, I believe it is possible to be completely “healed” from this problem but it takes some work on our part.  Remember Jesus Christ is the transformer of human behavior (Romans 12:2) if we follow His formula.  Perhaps it would be better to work on anger transformation instead of anger management.  Theologian and scholar Dallas Willard noted, “History has brought us to the point where the Christian message is thought to be essentially concerned only with how to deal with sin: with wrongdoing or wrong-being and its effects…The current gospel then becomes a ‘gospel of sin management.’  Transformation of life and character is no part of the redemptive message.”  [The Divine Conspiracy (New York, NY: Harper, San Francisco, 1998) pg. 43].  Perhaps first we should recognize we have a problem and it is a sin and not continue to justify our uncontrollable anger by insisting “it is something I must learn to live with” or “that’s just the way I am”.  I believe we can be cleansed from this sin if we acknowledge it and do our part to eradicate the problem.  But this is something we must work on to resolve.  This anger, as with every action, begins as a “thought” when we react to a provocation of some sort and in 2 Corinthians 10:5 we are told to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” before it controls us.  So, learn to say “no” to those thoughts that would start you down the path to uncontrolled anger, do not allow your emotions to control your common sense – rather allow your intellect to control your emotions.  
   3.     People who are easily angered generally have a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance (In other words, everything should always go their way – selfishness). This is a character flaw in the angry person that must be addressed as the angry person is seeking their own way and anything or anyone that frustrates their goal makes them angry and they will often lash out.  I have seen this occur many times when a child does not respond in the manner in which the parent was desiring and the parent immediately raises the voice, becomes combative and creates a tense and often harmful situation.  If the child is old enough, they will often react in a similar manner and the “war is on”.  Such individuals find it difficult to accept things that are not the way they planned, and they’re particularly infuriated if they view the situation unjust in their eyes: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.  If we are used to getting our own way and it seems to us we have lost control of the situation, we often lash out in anger towards the first person we see. Generally, if married, the spouse will receive the brunt of the anger which does nothing to strengthen the marriage relationship.  Sometimes the anger is directed to the children as parents often forget they are children and it is our place to “teach” with commensurate discipline and not exacerbate a difficult situation or teaching moment.  
   4. Simply put, to control anger means changing the way you think and react. Angry people may tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly derogatory terms that reflect their inner thoughts.  Obviously if the inner thoughts are wrong, wrong results will come out.  The only way to correct the inner thoughts is to change that mechanism that produces “toxic” inner thoughts from unrighteousness to righteousness.  If angry outbursts continue without provocation, an individual needs to consider a closer relationship with God.  There needs to be some confession, repentance and change of direction in life.  When we’re angry, our thinking can get unreasonable and overly dramatic.  An angry person generally loses his/her senses; they become temporarily insane until they get their sensibilities or emotions under control again.  Before it gets to this point, try replacing these angry thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, “Oh, it’s awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,” tell yourself, “it’s frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.”  A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered (Proverbs 17:27).  And if our inner man is filled with proper thoughts, there is less likelihood the wrong expressions will come out.  Philippians 4:8, “Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of  respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind of them, and implant them in your heart].” (Amplified Version).  It is simply difficult to fly into fits of rage if your mind is filled with good thoughts rather than evil or “toxic” thoughts.  
   5. Be careful of using words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or someone else and do not use curse words ever. “This !&*%@ machine never works,” or “you’re always forgetting things” is not just bad language but is also inaccurate, and serves to make us feel that our anger is justified which is  no way to resolve the problem.  Never attempt to justify an angry outburst.  Such actions also immediately alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with us on a solution.  Curse words have never rectified anything and I was always taught that they proved you simply had no command of the English language and had to use slang to express your feelings at the time.  
   6. Remind ourselves that getting angry is not going to fix anything and it won’t make us feel better (and may actually make us feel worse).  Uncontrollable anger never does anything except escalate the problem.  And if the person toward whom the anger is directed responds in like manner, it will result in an all-out war of words, if not worse.  To recover from such an explosion is not easy and is not achieved overnight.  Sadly, once such a confrontation has occurred, even with those who are close and you really have love for, it is never the same afterwards.  Sometimes as parents, we may get angry with something our children have done, perhaps responding to us, as parents, in a disrespectful way.  Just make sure we, as parents, did not do something to exacerbate their reaction by our own violent or angry outburst.  Set the example of how to handle anger by showing them restraint and speaking to them about learning to control the situation and coming up with a solution that is not based upon an emotional response rather respond as God would respond.   
3. Resolution
   1. Logic and reason based upon God’s word will always defeat anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational.  So, let’s use cold hard logic on ourselves, reminding us that the world is “not out to get us,” we’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life, and I might add, of normal life. The sooner we understand there will be difficult times that we must recognize and understand, everything in life is not and will not be perfect, the better the remainder of our life will become. If we do this each time we feel anger getting the best of us, it’ll help us develop a more balanced perspective.  The more we stop and consider rather than going off on a tirade, the quicker that anger issue will dissolve and become controllable if not eradicated completely.  Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way [notice the selfish motives behind each of these].  Everyone tends to want these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t get them, but angry people demand them, and when our demands aren’t met, our disappointment makes us angrier. As part of our cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of our demanding nature and translate our expectations into more virtuous motives. In other words, saying, “I would like” something is much less intimidating than saying, “I demand” or “I must have” something. When we’re unable to get what we want, we will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but we should not allow this disappointment to turn into anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, which is nothing more than selfishness.  A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly (Proverbs 14:29).  A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control (Proverbs 29:11).
   2. Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to consider if you’re in a heated discussion is to slow down and think through your responses.  Maybe those words that were spoken by the one that made you angry were not meant in the same manner in which you took them.  Could they have been interpreted in a different manner?  Give the other person the benefit of the doubt and if you think their harmful response was intentional, sit down in a rational manner (after you have “cooled off”) and discuss without quickly reacting with a response that will just exacerbate the misunderstanding.  Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say.   Remember it is impossible to take back what you have said in a fit of anger.  At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.  Nothing creates a more volatile atmosphere than responding in kind to a person who cannot control their emotions and decides they need to “lash out” against someone else.  Angry people usually justify their anger, saying it’s someone else’s fault they are angry.  I have never met a person that gets angry because someone else did not get their way, it seems the reaction comes when we do not get our way.  Yet the Bible repeatedly warns us against giving in to anger when upset by other people’s words or actions.  When we give in to anger, we often focus on our own welfare, comfort or happiness. Instead, we should be primarily concerned about the other person’s welfare and benefit and us being a good witness for Christ.  A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult (Proverbs 12:16).  A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel (Proverbs 15:18). An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins (Proverbs 29:22).
   3. Listen to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, or you want things done in a particular way, and your spouse, or whoever you are angry with, wants more communication and closeness or perhaps something done in a different way. If he or she starts complaining, or sometimes just questioning, your activities, don’t retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.  If you do so, this is leaving love out of the entire picture for one that loves another in the way a husband and wife should, or even shows that “agape” love to others, will never react in such a manner.  A benevolent love takes into account others, not just themselves. (Philippians 2:3; Matthew 22:39). Too many people of today simply want “my way or the highway” in a relationship and this will never work.  
   4. It’s natural to get defensive when you’re criticized, but it is not necessary to irrationally fight back.  Instead, listen to what’s underlying the words: the message may be that this person might feel neglected and unloved or that person may really be trying to help.  It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don’t let your anger—or a partner’s—allow a discussion to spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.  Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-it leads only to evil (Psalm 37:8).
   5. As mentioned earlier, the underlying message of highly angry people is “things oughta go my way!” A lot of anger comes from selfishness as we consider I want something and I am not getting it.  When this happens, anger becomes your boss and you are no longer in control.  Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!  If they expect everything to always go according to our plans, they have not yet grown up, they have not matured in life for most things will not go the way they have planned them.  Often it is good for their plans to go awry because they are generally not God’s plans.  They need to understand that marriage especially, as well as many relationships, consists of compromise and sacrifice and if they are not willing to do either, there will never be peace but will always struggle.   In some cases, “giving in” (as long as they are not giving up their Biblical principles or compromising their faith) is a lot better than “fighting” for their “rights”.  This is often better even in casual relationships, rather than causing dissension.  In situations such as parents and children:  if a child, remember the respect that should be shown for parents; and as parents, there are ways to discipline and get your point across without having a tirade.  If one feels anger, allow that anger to subside so one can think rationally to alleviate the problem and keep peace between the parties involved.  This same principle works in all relationships.    

Remember, we will perhaps never eliminate anger completely in spite of all our efforts because Satan knows our weakness in that area and will continue to push in our weak area.  Things will happen that will cause us to feel anger, for if you have a problem in a particular area, Satan will continue to create occasions to get us to rise up in that anger and commit sin; and it may seem justifiable anger in our eyes.  Understanding life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others.  As I have always been told and I have told many others, “Life’s not fair”.   So, some things we cannot change; but we can change our reaction, the way we let such events affect us. Controlling our angry responses can keep us from being miserable in life.

Sometimes we get angry because there seems to be individuals who delight in persecuting us in some way, almost with an intention of getting us upset or causing us some distress in some way.  We see no justification for their continued “mistreatment” of us even though we have never done anything to harm them that we know of but Matthew 5:44-45 notes, “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”  If we give in to these types of attacks, we will justify acting upon them in order to “get even” and Jesus’ point was to not seek revenge, allow Him to “balance the books”.  When we think we are persecuted unjustly, when we think we have the right to retaliate because our “feelings” have been hurt or perhaps even our reputation has been damaged; use this as an opportunity for God to bring out the good in us, not the worst, for each time we overcome the temptation to commit a sinful reaction, we will become stronger in our walk with God and will demonstrate the kindness of Christ through our reaction.  Have we ever considered some people may be attempting to get us angry to justify their wickedness because if we, as professing Christians, act in the same manner as a non-Christian would act, this proves to them there is nothing to our profession of faith?  

If we read James 3 correctly, we can surmise that an angry person is not wise or understanding and definitely not humble.  An angry person makes life all about them and their desires, rather than others and treating others as we would desire to be treated.  When this pride or arrogance swells up within us where it all becomes about us, eventually there will arise disorder and evil, including anger.  Looking further at James 4:1 we can see often quarrels and anger is the result of a conflict within ourselves more so than with others.  When anger begins to raise its ugly head, look inside and you will probably find out there is something ugly and dangerous inside of you trying to express itself and if you do not recognize the problem that lies within, unwise and unhealthy and often destructive behavior may be the result.  

I know we tend to say some anger is justified and even God sometimes gets angry and rightly so, but He gets angry with sin and the results of sin upon His children, so His anger is out of benevolence, not revenge or personal hurt.  There  is such a thing as righteous anger, but anger that causes dissension among God’s children, especially in the marriage and familial relationship or relationship between Christians is not a justifiable anger – rather it is an anger that needs to be controlled and handled in a Christian manner so each party may become a better witness for Christ and a strong Christian in the long run.  There are some things in life that we, as Christians, should be angry about especially when we see direct rebellion against God and his written word but even when Jesus Christ became angry (at the Temple) it was because God’s holy Temple had been profaned and He “got” angry because God was disrespected, not Himself.  This is not the type of anger we have been speaking about in this short paper.  It is normal to get “angry” when you see some driver speeding down a road where our children may be playing close by; it is normal to get “angry” when we see terrorist destroy lives for no reason whatsoever; it is normal to get angry when you see political shenanigans that hurt the populace of our land; and all this is rightly justified; but how we react to these “things” that make us angry shows our Christian conduct or lack of it.  We live in an age of conformity, togetherness and adjustment (diversity and compromise) to where we are not supposed to get angry over the compromise of moral principles any more.  We are told God is a god of love and He pours out His love and Spirit upon all of mankind therefore it is out of the question for God to be angry.  But if God’s rules of righteousness are violated it would be a sin not to get angry but even then, we simply must control the anger and react as Jesus would react.  A Christian who does not get angry with sin has forgotten what Christianity is.  

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Ephesians 4:29-32).

Let your gentleness be evident to all (Philippians 4:5).

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19-20).

Quick Recap:

1. Uncontrolled anger is generally more harmful to the one from whom the anger comes and not to the one to whom the anger is directed.
2. There are physical consequences for uncontrolled anger.  It is healthy to not allow this type of anger to take over.
3. Uncontrolled anger never solves an issue.
4. The angry person generally jumps to conclusions and eventually finds out what they “thought” was the case generally was not.
5. The angry person generally blames everyone else when in reality he is probably the one at fault.
6. One can learn to control their anger by showing some self-control and self-restraint and understanding God has made provision to assist one to control the outburst. 
7. This is not generally resolved by miracle, rather the angry person needs to realize he has a problem and understand God has given him the way to resolve the issue.  
8. Most anger comes because something did not go the way one “thought” it should go, so one responds in the wrong manner.  
9. To allow “fits of uncontrolled anger” to control one’s emotions is sin.
10. 10.We can overcome these “temper tantrums” but we must want to and lean upon God’s promises.  Remember anger itself is not a sin, but what you do with it is another story and you could be giving the devil an opportunity to move in (Ephesians 4:27).  So, ask God for forgiveness of those sins you have committed in the throes of “anger” and commit them no more.